I’m suffocating again. I’ve been through this several times before. I don’t know how many times this is supposed to happen. I’m afraid it will be recurring for the rest of my life.
Heavy feeling over my chest. Urge to disappear. Longing for death.
Doors are closing. Before they had a chance to open fully. Again with the false hope. How many times will it crush me!!!! Trapped in eternity. Wishing for freedom. To be able to escape the looming doom of everything new that is starting to become familiar. Everything is returning to old customs. I know exactly what will happen.
That is what pains me. I am in familiar territory again. I know how painful it is. The pain is already filling me… again… again…
I just want it to stop. I don’t want to repeat. I don’t want those “again”s that have killed me before. How many times am I expected to pull through and survive?
It just doesn’t seem worth it anymore…
But while there’s existence, there’s hope for those nonexistent miracles.